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Category: Chapter Excerpt

Chapter 25 Excerpt: I Can’t Find My Face

Chapter 25 Excerpt: I Can’t Find My Face

The first few years of a relationship are called the honeymoon period for a reason. Things are easy in the beginning. You’re full of endorphins, and nothing bad has happened yet. You think you know the person you’re dating, how they feel about you, and how they will handle the difficult times that are sure to come. Jake and I have done a lot in the last few years but none of it has been difficult or truly tested us….

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Chapter 24 Excerpt: The Fever, the Heatwave, and the Very Big Surprise

Chapter 24 Excerpt: The Fever, the Heatwave, and the Very Big Surprise

It’s hard to believe how much time has passed since I started and stopped internet dating. I began a naïve girl who had never been on a real date, became a jaded woman who thought she was happier single, and ended up a love sick school girl in a dream relationship. I just had another birthday, they won’t stop coming. As you get older, birthdays are less of an excuse to throw a party, and more like a chronic illness…

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Chapter 23 Excerpt: Nothing Makes You Feel as Ancient as Your Twenty Year High School Reunion

Chapter 23 Excerpt: Nothing Makes You Feel as Ancient as Your Twenty Year High School Reunion

It has been two years since I stopped internet dating. I am thirty-seven years old. Correction, I am thirty-seven and a half. I no longer live in Los Angeles and I’m still single. I have not gone on a date since I closed my internet dating accounts, and men no longer ask me out or speak to me. That’s the way I want it. I must give off a really scary vibe. Chloe and Lola are still married. Lola and…

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Chapter 22 Excerpt: Unrealistic Ideas of Love that Lead to Romantic Failure

Chapter 22 Excerpt: Unrealistic Ideas of Love that Lead to Romantic Failure

Keegan and I spent our days barefoot, naked, and free. We went swimming, digging frogs out from under the house, and running through the woods naked. We loved swimming so much we would do it anywhere. My pool, the neighbor’s pool, it didn’t matter. You might one day walk into your backyard and find toddlers you don’t know, swimming unattended in your pool, submerging themselves and holding their breath to keep from getting caught. And he read to me. I…

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Chapter 21 Excerpt: Sometimes You Feel You’re Going Crazy and You Hide at a Spa in the Desert

Chapter 21 Excerpt: Sometimes You Feel You’re Going Crazy and You Hide at a Spa in the Desert

Dear Reader, Now you are caught up. This was the journey of declining standards which led to me dating Mason. Remember him? He’s gone, my curtains are hung, and my wall is repaired. My home is full of fresh paint smell and my mind is full of self-loathing. I’ve just booked an impromptu vacation to a spa he told me about. I’m packing as fast as I can. No planning went into this trip, just a desperate need to hide…

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Chapter 20 Excerpt: Sex Tourette’s and Art Museums that Never End

Chapter 20 Excerpt: Sex Tourette’s and Art Museums that Never End

I am no longer internet dating. I’ve gone too long without sex and I’m having trouble kicking my new high-priced coffee habit. I am now drawn to trendy coffee shops where I am willing to pay ludicrous amounts of money for cheap coffee, as long as it comes in a paper cup. I rolled out of bed and went straight to a coffee shop. The man in front of me turned and offered to let me cut in front of…

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Chapter 19 Excerpt: The Man Who Talked about His Mother’s Naked Body on a Date

Chapter 19 Excerpt: The Man Who Talked about His Mother’s Naked Body on a Date

I drove out to the beach, and sat down in a coffee shop. Carl was a little late. While sitting, a strange man who looked similar to Carl’s pictures walked up to the coffee shop. He smashed his face up against the window and looked inside. He looked directly at me and then looked away. He picked up a discarded newspaper, awkwardly dusted off a patio chair, and sat down. As a result of my previous dating experiences, I thought…

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