This is not my first blog site. My last blog sit was wildly popular, probably because the domain was previously a porn site. I came to this conclusion after receiving comments such as, “What happened to the porn site?” and “This girl is funny, I will read her blog if she posts a picture of her tits.” But I digress…My last blog was popular and I rode the post porn wave until I got bored and let the domain expire. Shame on me. That blog may no longer exist, but have no fear; you can still read most of it as an Amazon eBook titled Dear Diary: Glitter and Crazy people, available on Amazon and free to Amazon Prime members. (Amazon Prime and Kindle Unlimited Readers must click the Read for Free link under the Buy Now link, because Amazon is sneaky like that).
It was inspired by the day I accidently got glitter in my vagina, because I am that kind of girl. But this blog is not about my last blog, it’s about why you should not wear granny panties and a tampon on the day you have to get a back x-ray and CT scan. If you are thinking, “That makes sense,” we probably have very little in common. It would never occur to me that my laundry-day underwear or tampons would present any kind of problem for the radiologist/doctor reading my results. Why? Because they said it wouldn’t. I asked, not because I was concerned…because I felt disheveled, awkward, and like I was doing it all wrong. If you don’t have those days, we probably have very little in common. When I arrived for my CT scan I told the front office nurse I had a few questions. She told me to save them for the technician. And so I did.
The technician took me into the dressing room and gave me two robes. He instructed me to wait until he left and then put one robe on open in the front and one robe on open in the back so that I would be completely covered. He also said I could leave my underwear on. I think it’s funny that he instructed me to wait until he was gone. Who are these women tearing off their clothes in front of the x-ray technician? It was at this time that I asked if my tampon would show up in the x-ray or scan. I wasn’t concerned about complications, just privacy. He said no. He lied. I should know better than to own a pair of ugly underwear. My mother made me very self-conscious about my underwear. When we traveled she would always instruct us to pack our best underwear in case something happened to us…like decapitation. No one wants to be lying in the middle of the street decapitated only to have the wind blow your dress over your shoulders revealing bad underwear. It could happen. The part I found so funny was at home we always wore whatever underwear was clean but traveling brings out the neurosis.
I asked to see my scans and I was told that they would be ready in 3 days and my Dr. would go over them with me. So I asked again. He said no. So I asked again, and again, because that shit works! And then he showed me my scans that included the impression of a tampon and the faintest outline of my one embarrassing pair of underwear. I mentioned that I could see my tampon and underwear. The technician told me the Dr. wouldn’t care. I mentioned it was in front of my coccyx. He told me it was fine and that the Dr. would order different scans if necessary. I didn’t want to do more scans, I wanted to be told to reschedule my appointment if I started my period. I wanted to plan ahead. Do I care? Only in that my Doctor is a very old Indian man with a thick accent who doesn’t want to know about my period, underwear, or laundry habits. He is impatient just like me, and I am in pain. He’s only interested in my spine. But there will forever be x-rays of my tampon and granny panty day. So let this be a lesson to you. You can’t just wear nice underwear “in case you get in a traffic accident.”